Yep you clicked through because of the title didn’t you. I admit it doesn’t sound like something you’d normally hear me say and certainly doesn’t sound like the polite thing to do. But I would suggest there are a few times when you should never apologize.
4 Times You Should Not Apologize
I’m going to start with the possibly most debatable of the four and then work towards the more obvious. Four quick things I’d encourage you to consider the next time you’re about to offer an apology. You may think of more. Let these be a starting point. The idea is simple: quit apologizing when you shouldn't be saying sorry.
Personal beliefs
If you hold a personal belief it is just that. Personal. You should never be forced to apologize for your personal beliefs. Of course you shouldn’t force your personal beliefs on someone else but for yourself you are free to hold whatever beliefs you choose. And you should do so unapologetically. If you do, or feel as if you should apologize for your personal beliefs then I would ask you if that belief truly is something you hold as a tenant of your faith. If you lack fortitude in your personal convictions and constantly apologize for them then perhaps you should re-evaluate the reason why you believe what you do.
Signs of emotion
Secondly you should never apologize for showing signs of emotion. This one is one I find myself guilty of the most. Somewhere along the way the idea of showing emotion (especially for men) has become slightly socially unacceptable or at the very least - awkward. The tension in the room becomes instantly thicker and often I find myself apologizing. The truth? The truth is [tweetable]signs of emotion when coming from the heart demonstrates the passion you feel for the topic[/tweetable]. Of course you’d never apologize for being passionate about something. [tweetable]Passion is what drives you to do great things.[/tweetable] And before the cynic in the crowd attempts to point to violent outburst, anger and other forms of abusive passion…this is not the type of passion or emotion to which I refer. When you are so passionate about the subject that your emotions break through, you should never apologize.
Acts of service
The next time you should never apologize is when you are performing acts of service. For some reason I’ve seen a trend where someone offers an apology almost blatantly thoughtlessly (flippantly?) when they do something as an act of service. As if it’s an offense to be helpful. The easiest way I can think of to illustrate this idea is to imagine a role reversal. If someone were performing an act of service for you, if they were doing something to make your life easier or help you, would you expect them to apologize for it? Clearly not. You appreciate their thoughtfulness and more than likely an apology would even serve to negate the perceived thoughtfulness. If you’re providing a selfless act of service for someone else don’t apologize for it.
When You’re Not
It’s unfortunate to hear those times when someone offers an apology as a preface to something they are about to say. It’s something I notice exceedingly in the USA culture particularly. “I’m sorry but…” typically means exactly the opposite. I’m not sorry. I want to say my opinion and this opening apology is a weak attempt to appear as though I’m not being rude or aggressive. Don’t use an apology when you’re not truly apologetic. Save the apologizing for when you mean what you say and want to offer a heartfelt word of sympathy or request for forgiveness. Don’t cheapen the meaning of an apology and ultimately cheapen yourself by apologizing when you’re not apologizing. There are certainly a number of legitimate reasons to offer an apology and I may take the time to push out a quick blog post outlining some of those times. But briefly here I want to encourage you to [tweetable]hold to your beliefs, be confident in your impassioned pleas, perform acts of service with genuine selflessness and be meaningful in what you say[/tweetable]. Let’s not waste apologies or minimize the importance of asking forgiveness by using it flippantly.