Reading people is absolutely an art. Sure there is an inherent skill to it, but as with other art forms you can learn this skill. If you're a small business owner the ability to read someone is critically important. You must be able to do more than just talk, you must listen, understand and interpret the responses you receive. What do I mean when I say "read" someone? Obviously I don't mean you're reading literal words off someone's face but instead I mean listening to what they are saying, thinking about what they mean, and interpreting the non-verbal cues being sent. Non-verbal? Yes, these are critically important to reading and understanding the person you are communicating with. By non-verbal I refer to items such as body posture, facial expressions, and speech intonation.
Why Reading Right Matters
Reading people correctly will allow you to relate with them better, modify or reiterate your message, or even stop and find out why someone may disagree with you. If you read someone wrong you can easily misinterpret something they say or think they understand what you're expressing when in reality they are completely lost. No one enjoys sticking their foot in their mouth. Even worse, no one likes the feeling when they believe the audience is fully agreeing with them when in reality they simply think the speaker is full of hot air. Reading someone right is not difficult but takes thought and effort on the part of the speaker. You, as the communicator, must be able to do two things at once (or even more). The small business owner relies on strong relationships and good communication to effectively grow their business. The small business where the owners are able to listen and respond to the needs of their customers and do more than just talk "at" them.
Tips for Reading Right
Look for signs of hesitation
Hesitation can be both a positive signal and a negative signal. Signs of hesitation are little things like questioning eyebrows, perhaps a delay in providing feedback, or even a deep breath. These signs can be instructive in understanding what a person is thinking. Hesitation can be a sign of uncertainty, questions, or even disagreement. Hesitation can also be simply a delay in the communication medium. Be sure you don’t misread hesitation for disagreement. We’ll discuss hesitation and silence a bit more in a later point below. Keep reading.
Watch body posture
Body posture can be an important indicator. There’s a fantastic TED talk given by Amy Cuddy on the topic of body posture. I encourage you to watch the video and learn some great tips about body posture. Amy focuses on how your own body posture affects your outlook but watch the video and analyze it from the perspective of understanding what the various postures mean when you see them in others.
Listen to feedback
This is funny because you’re thinking about being a better speaker. A better speaker and effective communicator does more than talk. Listening to the feedback you receive is important for ensuring your message is clear. Feedback can take many forms. Feedback can be something as simple a sigh, a nod, or a verbal response. When you find yourself talking so much that no one else has an opportunity to respond you are not being an effective speaker and you are failing to read your audience. Be sure to include an opportunity for your audience to give feedback.
Follow the eyes
Humans can be incredibly communicative with only their eyes (and eyebrows). When you’re speaking with someone don’t neglect the eye contact. Of course, there are some cultures where this is seen as impolite; I would expect cultural differences to be taken into account in all of these tactics. You certainly don’t want to offend your audience. By the statement, following the eyes, I also mean being aware of where the other person is looking, if they are not looking at you, if they appear distracted or otherwise disinterested then you are not affectively communicating. Be sure you don’t lose your audience by not reading their eyes.
Interpret the silence
There is an old phrase, “silence is golden”. There’s a lot of truth in those simple three words. Don’t panic if there’s a moment of silence in the conversation. It’s ok to have a pause. This was a particular part of reading someone which I have been learning (very slowly I admit). I’ve always struggled with allowing longer periods of silence. I felt this meant there was confusion and I needed to clarify. Or that I wasn’t soliciting the right feedback. The truth can be very different. The topic you're sharing is something you’ve probably spent many hours thinking about, mulling over, and preparing how you want to say it. You should not expect your audience to immediately understand everything you say. They will need time to process. They will need to be allowed the courtesy of silence to sift through what you’ve said and form their opinion. Be sure you’re interpreting the silence correctly.
Reading without Interrogating
This can be a very difficult skill to learn. In fact, this is where I struggle the most myself. Too many questions, too many attempts at trying to ‘figure out’ what someone is thinking and feeling can leave them feeling a bit interrogated. Remember the goal is not to analyze every movement and every thought. The purpose of reading someone is to make sure you effectively deliver your message and communicate properly. It does not mean persuading someone to agree with you. Let me say that again in a different way,
Reading someone’s response is an important tool for effective communication; it is not for the purpose of persuasion.
If you find yourself watching non-verbal cues too intently and you start to get the sense the person is feeling a bit overwhelmed and a scrutinized then you need to be sure you tone it down a bit. Relax your questioning and take a more casual stance. This helps restore a two-way communication and takes away the sense of being ‘under-the-spotlight’. Reading people is important, and the above tips can help you become an even more effective communicator. Take time to practice and learn this art form.